Too Mean To Live 1911 Billy Williams

by James Pitt-Payne, London UK - 19Apr2025
2025

The meanest man that ever lived
was Uncle Jeremiah,
he'd warm himself on his raspberry nose,
to save himself lighting the fire.
He'd take long steps to save his boots
from wearing out, how funny.
He'd buy a hat a mile too large
to get value for his money.
He wore his hair tied in a bun,
no cash he ever spent,
In fact he was so mean he wouldn't
mean half what he meant.

Too mean to eat,
too mean to drink,
when he wrote a letter,
wrote it small to save the ink.
the letters he got in reply,
he took to evening classes,
to have these read out,
wouldn't read them himself
for fear he should wear out his glasses.

Too mean to wed,
too mean to spoon,
but not too mean to kiss the girls,
on Sunday afternoon,
he didn't do it for love,
and while they'd holloa louder,
he was making a fortune
filling his whiskers full
of violet powder.

He used to stop the clock at night
before he went to bed,
to save the wear and tear of the works,
for time it is money, he said,
at breakfast time he bought no milk,
but from his window flapping,
you'd see a sponge upon a string
in somebody's milk can dropping.
he'd borrow someone's tea leaves,
put the parrot in a rage,
when with things he'd steal a bit
of sugar from its cage.

Too mean to pay
at the Music Hall,
he wrote his name upon a card,
and asked them for a stall,
after he'd seen all the show,
he'd say the seats hard back
he'd call the manager horrible names,
and tell him he wanted his card back.

Too mean to smoke
too mean to chew,
but with his mouth wide open
he'd say blow it my way do.
Nightly he'd sit in the pub
and half a crown he'd borrow,
and say to them
"What are you going to have?"
Er have for your dinner tomorrow!

This mean man got too mean to breathe
and mournfully he said,
the pounds that I've been putting away
I can't take with me when I'm dead.
That's what I have often heard
but I'll cheat my survivors
and so he did,
he went and changed
the whole lot into fivers
and murmured while he sat and
ate a lovely bank note pie,
"Who says I can't take my money
with me when I die."

Too mean to shave,
I'll tell you why,
said he'd want his whiskers for
bootlaces, bye and bye,
right at the back of his neck,
he'da wart the flies would flirt on,
he said, that the wort
saved him buying a stud
just for hanging
his collar and shirt on.

Too mean to laugh, too mean to cry,
tho' he had the toothache bad,
he'd pass the dentist by,
thinking of saving a bob,
he winked, and then he grinned oh,
he tied the bedstead on to his tooth
and slung himself out of the window.

The meanest man that ever lived
was Uncle Jeremiah,
he'd warm himself on his raspberry nose,
to save himself lighting the fire.
He'd take long steps to save his boots
from wearing out, how funny.
He'd buy a hat a mile too large
to get value for his money.
He wore his hair tied in a bun,
no cash he ever spent,
In fact he was so mean he wouldn't
mean half what he meant.

Too mean to eat,
too mean to drink,
when he wrote a letter,
wrote it small to save the ink.
the letters he got in reply,
he took to evening classes,
to have these read out,
wouldn't read them himself
for fear he should wear out his glasses.

Too mean to wed,
too mean to spoon,
but not too mean to kiss the girls,
on Sunday afternoon,
he didn't do it for love,
and while they'd holloa louder,
he was making a fortune
filling his whiskers full
of violet powder.

Soft karaoke
Words
piano 1
piano 2
piano 3
piano 4
lyric
pizz str bass
*
Too Mean To Live 1911 Billy Williams
arranged by Fred Hall
© 1911 by collin & Williams
*
sequence & karaoke by James Pitt-Payne, London UK
on Saturday 19 April 2025 at 16.33
in association with Torquil Syme
*
James Pitt-Payne