They Handed Me A Lemon 1906

by James Pitt-Payne, London UK - 7May2025
2025

I've always been quite easy,
even as a little chap.
My quiet disposition,
I have found a handicap,
one day my playmates gathered round
in manner cute and sly,
my pocket money coaxed from me,
some oranges to buy,
the bully of the school,
he took the bag of fruit you see,
and said, "Now children
I'll divide them fair and equally,
there's three for me,
and two for Jim,
and two for sister Sue,
and now I'm done,
that leaves just one,
and that belongs to you.

He handed me a lemon,
he did my word,
a little sour lemon,
wasn't that absurd,
my simple little heart was broke,
the others laughed,
I thought they'd choke,
I really couldn't see the joke,
when he handed me a lemon.

A wealthy merchant's daughter,
once I wed with cunning stealth,
and pictured how I live at ease,
enjoying daddy's wealth,
but daddy was a selfmade man,
and wouldn't let me think,
but when our honeymoon was o'ur,
he put me right to work,
he tried me was from bookkeeper
right down to keeping stock,
he said the finest thing I did
was sit and watch the clock,
one day his daughter called on him,
"My daughter dear," said he,
"Oh do you realize, my child,
what you have done to me?"

You handed me a lemon,
he did my word,
a little sour lemon,
wasn't that absurd,,
your poor old father's heart is sore,
I went to see him never more,
instead of a real soninlaw,
why you handed me a lemon.

A broker once explained to me
just how to get rich quick,
it really seemed quite plausible,
and such an easy trick,
I hurried down to Wall Street,
where they make the millionaires,
put all my money in the scheme,
and bought a thousand shares,
six month from then,
a dress suit case I took,
and told my friends,
that I was bound down Wall Street
to collect my dividends,
I felt like Pierpont Morgan,
when I heard the broker say:
"The fruit of your investment, sir,
I'll give you right away."

He handed me a lemon.
he did my word,
a little sour lemon,
wasn't that absurd,
He said the bulls and bears has caught,
the lambkins where their tails were short,
for that one thousand shares I bought,
why he handed me a lemon.

Soft karaoke
Words
piano 1
piano 2
piano 3
piano 4
lyric
pizz str bass
*
They Handed Me A Lemon 1906
Lyrics by Ed.Gardenier
Music by J.Fred Helf
© 1906 by Helf & Hager Co.  N.Y.
*
Joe Coyne's original "Lemon" Song
*
sequence & karaoke by James Pitt-Payne, London UK
on Wednesday 7 May 2025 at 12.03
in association with Torquil Syme
*
James Pitt-Payne