Ze English Language 1905 'Mlle. Modiste'

James Pitt-Payne, London UK - 16 Jan 2004

In England I have stayed zere
it is a funny land,
I work zere and I play zere,
but I do not understand,
I study hard ze langwich
it makes me much amuse,
I could not learn ze slang
which all ze English people use;
Until at last I found
zat zey turn ev'ryzing around...
Zey say a gown is ripping
when it's sewn with greatest care,
Zey say zat zey are out of sight
when really zey are zere;
Zey say zat zey are "hoarse"
zat in the throat
zey have the frogs,
Zey say it's beastly weather
when it's raining cats and dogs;
A juggler does not touch ze jug
a skipper never skips,
and ev'ry waiting waiter
knows a tippler seldom tips;
Do butterflies make butter?
Zat's a thing I'd like to know.
Do lightning bugs cause lightning
and why is it crows don't crow?
Is it called a modest luncheon
when zey have ze salad "dressed."
And if your piano's upright
must it's music be the best?
In winter when ze snow has fell
I've heard zem say it's cold as well
'tis hard to comprehend ze English language.

Each day I add a few words
to my vocabulaire,
I learn so many new words
that I make my friends to stare,
I hold a conversation
with anyone I know,
and my pronunciation
they all say was comme il faut;
But it was hard to choose
from all the diff'rent words they use...
They call a bunch of sheep a flock,
a flock of hay a stack!
They call a stack of fish a school,
a school of wolves a pack;
A pack of chickens make a brood,
a brood of deer a herd,
A herd of actors make a troupe,
and there's another word;
they say a string of horses
and they say a string of pearls,
they say a galaxy of stars
a bevy of young girls;
They say a nest of hornets
and they say a swarm of flies.
They say a breath of scandal
breeds an awful pack of lies;
They say a horde of savages
they'd say a mob of men,
they say a gang of laborers
and other things, but then;
if rough spells rough
why is it "through"
is not called "Throut'"
'tis hard to comprehend ze English language.

One day zere come to Paris
une belle Americaine,
I thought if we could marry
zat I would not live in vain,
I started on my wooing,
my love she could not doubt,
but she said: "Nothing doing!
You will have to cut that out!"
It was not quite ze speech
ze standard English grammars teach!
But she was from Missouri
and a "showgirl" and she said
if she could "cop" a "live one,"
she would take a chance and wed.
Zen she would "blow" her husband
for some swell new "rags" at once,
and when she hit old Broadway
she would show ze gang some stunts;
"Of course it's all an idle dream,"
she said, "but I'll come to."
and then it's Old New York for mine!
It's twentythree! Skidoo!
I've got to chase across the pond
and hustle as it were,
Back to "the merry, merry"
for a stingy twenty per;
"I'm just a little shy of coin,"
she said, "not very much."
I wonder if I haven't some kind friend
who'll stand a touch?
"Zere's nothing doing!"
"Cut zat out!" I said.
Oh, zere is not a doubt
I learned to comprehend
ze English language.

Soft karaoke
Words
piano 1
piano 2
piano 3
piano 4
lyric
pizz str bass
*
Ze English Language 1905
Lyrics by Henry Blossom
Music by Victor Herbert
copyright MCMV by M. Witmark & Sons
*
sequence and karaoke by James Pitt-Payne, London UK
on Friday 16 January 2004 at 20.16
in association with Doug Grierson
*
Chas. Dillingham's Production of "Mlle. Modiste."
As Sung by the Fritzi Scheff Comic Opera company.
Music by Victor Herbert. Book & Lyrics by Henry Blossom
Henry Blossom Publication: New York: M. Witmark & Sons, 1905.
*