You Can't Do That There 'ere.

Seq- Dr. J.Pitt-Payne. Kar- Bunty Pritchard Jones. July 2000.

I'm goin' to sing a nonsense song,
no doubt you'll think it weird,

The jokes are either very new
or else have grown a beard,

the curate came on Saturday to our Annual Dinner,
But when he got his knitting out we shouted, "Mister Skinner!"

Oh you can't do that there 'ere,
No you can't do that there 'ere.

Anywhere else you can do that there,
But you can't do that there 'ere.

Oh you can't do that there 'ere,
No you can't do that there 'ere.

Anywhere else you can do that there,
But you can't do that there 'ere.

The shades of night were falling fast,
the fire~bell gaily rang,

the engine dash'd out with a whirr
and pulled up with a bang,

the fire was out when they arrived,
but in rushed Fireman Tanners,

a female voice cried: "Where's my clothes,
and Fireman where's your manners?"

Oh you can't do that there 'ere,
No you can't do that there 'ere.

Anywhere else you can do that there,
But you can't do that there 'ere.

Oh you can't do that there 'ere,
No you can't do that there 'ere.

Anywhere else you can do that there,
But you can't do that there 'ere.

Jones was very tight one night,
and made a big mistake,

he took his clothes off in the hall,
in case his wife should wake,

he crawled upstairs and softly said,
"I've saved my reputation!"

But a porter said, when he arrived,
undressed on Broad Street Station.

Oh you can't do that there 'ere,
No you can't do that there 'ere.

Anywhere else you can do that there,
But you can't do that there 'ere.

Oh you can't do that there 'ere,
No you can't do that there 'ere.

Anywhere else you can do that there,
But you can't do that there 'ere.

A College copper saw a loving couple on a seat,
As he passed by he heard the lady give a little squeak,

The Policeman shone his lantern on the couple in the dark, sir,
and said, "Now what's a going on in this 'ere Public Park, sir?"

Oh you can't do that there 'ere,
No you can't do that there 'ere.

Anywhere else you can do that there,
But you can't do that there 'ere.

Oh you can't do that there 'ere,
No you can't do that there 'ere.

Anywhere else you can do that there,
But you can't do that there 'ere.

Jimmy Longshot went to see Lord Tommy Tittlemouse,
Of course he was the honoured guest and came to shoot the grouse,

The fun was fast and furious when someone shouted, "Jimmy,
You've missed the grouse and gone and shot his Lordship in the Spinney!"

Oh you can't do that there 'ere,
No you can't do that there 'ere.

Anywhere else you can do that there,
But you can't do that there 'ere.

Oh you can't do that there 'ere,
No you can't do that there 'ere.

Anywhere else you can do that there,
But you can't do that there 'ere.

Buster Brown for many years had always lived alone,
Until he got a great idea and had the telephone,

He got wrong numbers by the score, it made him swear like Hades,
That Golden Voice said, "Have a care, you're shocking all the ladies!"

Oh you can't do that there 'ere,
No you can't do that there 'ere.

Anywhere else you can do that there,
But you can't do that there 'ere.

Oh you can't do that there 'ere,
No you can't do that there 'ere

Anywhere else you can do that there,
But you can't do that there 'ere.

Auntie Gertie's eighty~six and fit for anything,
She got engaged last Wednesday week to dear old Doctor King,

The other night the old man said, "I hope I don't intrude, dear.
Let's have a game of Tiddley~winks!" she said,
"Oh, don't be rude, dear!"

Oh you can't do that there 'ere,
No you can't do that there 'ere.

Anywhere else you can do that there,
But you can't do that there 'ere.

Oh you can't do that there 'ere,
No you can't do that there 'ere.

Anywhere else you can do that there,
But you can't do that there 'ere.

You've heard of Guy Fawkes day of course, and how that wicked Guy,
attempted on November five to blow the House sky high,

He said, "I don't like Parliament, they're quite beyond endurance."
He lit his torch but someone said, "We ain't paid our insurance!"

Oh you can't do that there 'ere,
No you can't do that there 'ere.

Anywhere else you can do that there,
But you can't do that there 'ere.

Oh you can't do that there 'ere,
No you can't do that there 'ere.

Anywhere else you can do that there,
But you can't do that there 'ere.

A Police Inspector passing by a Nudist Colony,
Was peeping through the garden gate for curiosity,

He saw a lady walking by, and taking off her necklace,
He said, "I'll lose my eye~sight, miss, you mustn't be so reckless."

Oh you can't do that there 'ere,
No you can't do that there 'ere.

Anywhere else you can do that there,
But you can't do that there 'ere.

Oh you can't do that there 'ere,
No you can't do that there 'ere.

Anywhere else you can do that there,
But you can't do that there 'ere.

I used to be a baritone and ballads posh I'd sing,
But now I moan in monotone and it don't mean a thing,

I nurse the mike so soulfully upon the radio, doh,
Wah~dah~d~ah, Wah~dah~di~dah,
Vo~do~d~e~di~o~oh.

Oh you can't do that there 'ere,
No you can't do that there 'ere.

Anywhere else you can do that there,
But you can't do that there 'ere.

Oh you can't do that there 'ere,
No you can't do that there 'ere.

Anywhere else you can do that there,
But you can't do that there 'ere.

Now I'm a most unusual bloke, no college educaish,
And I can sing most anything to suit the situaish,

I've sung a lot of low~brow songs and some that sounded clarsey,
But when I sing the clarsey ones they call me ArteyTarsey.

Oh you can't do that there 'ere,
No you can't do that there 'ere.

Anywhere else you can do that there,
But you can't do that there 'ere.

Oh you can't do that there 'ere,
No you can't do that there 'ere.

Anywhere else you can do that there,
But you can't do that there 'ere.

Soft karaoke
Words
piano
synth strings
synth brass
Lyric-tune
You Can't Do That There 'Ere
1935
by Jack Rolls & Raymond Wallace
described as the marvellous comedy
fox-trot song hit
featured with great success by
Jack Payne
and his band; it says on the front
of the score sheet I have before me.
MIDI
Researched by Doug Grierson
Sequenced by Dr. Pitt-Payne in London UK
Karaoke
by
Bunty Pritchard Jones
You Can't Do That There 'Ere 1935 seq Dr. Pitt-Payne in London UK 19 July 2000

You Can't Do That There 'Ere 1935 Jack Rolls & Raymond Wallace