You Can't Do That There 'Ere 1935 Vs2

by James Pitt-Payne, London UK - 28 September 2011
2011

I'm goin' to sing a nonsense song,
no doubt you'll think it weird,
The jokes are either very new
or else have grown a beard,
the curate came on Saturday
to our Annual Dinner,
But when he got his knitting out
we shouted, "Mister Skinner!"

Oh you can't do that there 'ere,
No you can't do that there 'ere.
Anywhere else you can do that there,
But you can't do that there 'ere.

Oh you can't do that there 'ere,
No you can't do that there 'ere.
Anywhere else you can do that there,
But you can't do that there 'ere.

The shades of night were falling fast,
the firebell gaily rang,
the engine dash'd out with a whirr
and pulled up with a bang,
the fire was out when they arrived,
but in rushed Fireman Tanners,
a female voice cried:
"Where's my clothes,
and Fireman where's your manners?"

Oh you can't do that there 'ere,
No you can't do that there 'ere.
Anywhere else you can do that there,
But you can't do that there 'ere.

Oh you can't do that there 'ere,
No you can't do that there 'ere.
Anywhere else you can do that there,
But you can't do that there 'ere.

Jones was very tight one night,
and made a big mistake,
he took his clothes off in the hall,
in case his wife should wake,
he crawled upstairs and softly said,
"I've saved my reputation!"
But a porter said, when he arrived,
undressed on Broad Street Station.

Oh you can't do that there 'ere,
No you can't do that there 'ere.
Anywhere else you can do that there,
But you can't do that there 'ere.

Oh you can't do that there 'ere,
No you can't do that there 'ere.
Anywhere else you can do that there,
But you can't do that there 'ere.

A College copper saw
a loving couple on a seat,
As he passed by he heard
the lady give a little squeak,
The Policeman shone his lantern
on the couple in the dark, sir,
and said, "Now what's a going on
in this 'ere Public Park, sir?"

Oh you can't do that there 'ere,
No you can't do that there 'ere.
Anywhere else you can do that there,
But you can't do that there 'ere.

Oh you can't do that there 'ere,
No you can't do that there 'ere.
Anywhere else you can do that there,
But you can't do that there 'ere.

Jimmy Longshot went to see
Lord Tommy Tittlemouse,
Of course he was the honoured guest
and came to shoot the grouse,
The fun was fast and furious
when someone shouted, "Jimmy,
You've missed the grouse and gone
and shot his Lordship in the Spinney!"

Oh you can't do that there 'ere,
No you can't do that there 'ere.
Anywhere else you can do that there,
But you can't do that there 'ere.

Oh you can't do that there 'ere,
No you can't do that there 'ere.
Anywhere else you can do that there,
But you can't do that there 'ere.

Buster Brown for many years
had always lived alone,
Until he got a great idea
and had the telephone,
He got wrong numbers by the score,
it made him swear like Hades,
That Golden Voice said, "Have a care,
you're shocking all the ladies!"

Oh you can't do that there 'ere,
No you can't do that there 'ere.
Anywhere else you can do that there,
But you can't do that there 'ere.

Oh you can't do that there 'ere,
No you can't do that there 'ere
Anywhere else you can do that there,
But you can't do that there 'ere.

Auntie Gertie's eightysix
and fit for anything,
She got engaged last Wednesday
week to dear old Doctor King,
The other night the old man said,
"I hope I don't intrude, dear.
Let's have a game of Tiddleywinks!" she said,
"Oh, don't be rude, dear!"

Oh you can't do that there 'ere,
No you can't do that there 'ere.
Anywhere else you can do that there,
But you can't do that there 'ere.

Oh you can't do that there 'ere,
No you can't do that there 'ere.
Anywhere else you can do that there,
But you can't do that there 'ere.

You've heard of Guy Fawkes day of course,
and how that wicked Guy,
attempted on November five
to blow the House sky high,
He said, "I don't like Parliament,
they're quite beyond endurance."
He lit his torch but someone said,
"We ain't paid our insurance!"

Oh you can't do that there 'ere,
No you can't do that there 'ere.
Anywhere else you can do that there,
But you can't do that there 'ere.

Oh you can't do that there 'ere,
No you can't do that there 'ere.
Anywhere else you can do that there,
But you can't do that there 'ere.

A Police Inspector passing by
a Nudist Colony,
Was peeping through the garden gate
for curiosity,
He saw a lady walking by,
and taking off her necklace,
He said, "I'll lose my eye~sight, miss,
you mustn't be so reckless."

Oh you can't do that there 'ere,
No you can't do that there 'ere.
Anywhere else you can do that there,
But you can't do that there 'ere.

Oh you can't do that there 'ere,
No you can't do that there 'ere.
Anywhere else you can do that there,
But you can't do that there 'ere.

I used to be a baritone
and ballads posh I'd sing,
But now I moan in monotone
and it don't mean a thing,
I nurse the mike so soulfully
upon the radio, doh,
Wah~dah~d~ah, Wah~dah~di~dah,
Vo~do~d~e~di~o~oh.

Oh you can't do that there 'ere,
No you can't do that there 'ere.
Anywhere else you can do that there,
But you can't do that there 'ere.

Oh you can't do that there 'ere,
No you can't do that there 'ere.
Anywhere else you can do that there,
But you can't do that there 'ere.

Now I'm a most unusual bloke,
no college educaish,
And I can sing most anything
to suit the situaish,
I've sung a lot of lowbrow songs
and some that sounded clarsey,
But when I sing the clarsey ones
they call me ArteyTarsey.

Oh you can't do that there 'ere,
No you can't do that there 'ere.
Anywhere else you can do that there,
But you can't do that there 'ere.

Oh you can't do that there 'ere,
No you can't do that there 'ere.
Anywhere else you can do that there,
But you can't do that there 'ere.

Soft karaoke
Words
piano 1
piano 2
piano 3
piano 4
lyric
pizz str bass
*
You Can't Do That There 'Ere 1935 Vs2
by Jack Rolls & Raymond Wallace
© MCMXXXV by The Peter Maurice Music Co.Ltd.
*
sequence & karaoke by James Pitt-Payne, London UK
on Wednesday 28 September 2011 at 21.31
in association with Veda Meyer-Castens
*