My Wife Is On A Diet 1929

Dr. Pitt-Payne in London UK - 27 May 2002

What's the greatest problem now
throughout the land?
What's the only problem
needs a helping hand?
It isn't unemployment
or Tax Relief I find,
It's something more important now
on ev'rybody's mind.
Just walk into any home today
It's ten to one you'll hear each husband say:

My wife is on a diet,
and since she's on a diet,
Home isn't Home any more.
No gravy and poTAHtoes,
just lettuce and tomatoes,
where are the pies I adore?
Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! what a disgrace,
I'm ashamed to look a grapefruit
straight in the face
My wife is on a diet,
and since she's on a diet,
I'm losing a pound ev'ry day.

Monday, grapefruit, breakfast and for dinner,
And at night some orange juice,
Tuesday, grapefruit,
Boys, I'm growing thinner,
All my clothes are getting loose;
Wednesday, Thursday, I feel satisfied,
Then I change to coffee,
with grapefruit on the side;
Friday till Sunday is more than I can stand,
before the eighteenth day
I'll have a lily in my hand

Since wifie's on a diet,
I mustn't mention 'Fry it',
Wifie will only get mad.
It used to be a blessin' to eat delicatessen,
tell me, who started this fad?
Crabs and shrimps I must leave alone;
I'm the only lobster she'll allow in the home
My wife is on a diet,
and since she's on a diet,
She's gaining a pound ev'ry day.

Husband's don't admit it,
but the wife is boss.
Who does all the cooking,
it's the wife of course;
Put two and two together,
and then you will agree,
If she is on a diet
then you'll eat the same as she.
It won't help at all if you protest;
Just sing this as you tighten up your vest:

My wife is on a diet,
and since she's on a diet,
Home isn't Home any more.
No gravy and poTAHtoes,
just lettuce and tomatoes,
where are the pies I adore?
Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! what a disgrace,
I'm ashamed to look a grapefruit
straight in the face
My wife is on a diet,
and since she's on a diet,
I'm losing a pound ev'ry day.

Monday, grapefruit, breakfast and for dinner,
And at night some orange juice,
Tuesday, grapefruit,
Boys, I'm growing thinner,
All my clothes are getting loose;
Wednesday, Thursday, I feel satisfied,
Then I change to coffee,
with grapefruit on the side;
Friday till Sunday is more than I can stand,
before the eighteenth day
I'll have a lily in my hand

Since wifie's on a diet,
I mustn't mention 'Fry it',
Wifie will only get mad.
It used to be a blessin' to eat delicatessen,
tell me, who started this fad?
Oh! Oh! Oh! She's driving me wild,
One look at her onions and I cry like a child
My wife is on a diet,
and since she's on a diet,
She's gaining a pound ev'ry day.

Soft karaoke
Words
treble clef 1
treble clef 2
lyric line
bass
*
My Wife Is On A Diet 1929
by Charles Tobias and Geo. J. Bennett
copyright MCMXXIX by Shapiro, Bernstein and Co. Inc., New York
UK Music Hall Song
sequence and karaoke by Dr. Pitt-Payne in London UK
on Monday 27 May 2002 at 09.28
in association with Doug Grierson
*