It's Awfully Hard To Shop 1903

by James Pitt-Payne, London UK - 14 Nov 2011
2011

It's an awful proposition
when your wifie says:
"See Here!
In the city do some shopping,
here's a list for you, my dear."
At a bargain counter somewhere,
wifie's list away did fly;
but if I remember rightly
this is what she said to buy:
Some accordion pleated olives
and a straight front girdle too;;
Sixteen pounds of chiffon salmon,
Oxford ties in baby blue;
Then a pair of small gunmetal shoes,
size thirty eight untied;
And a dozen brandied aprons
for a child just five years wide:

It's awfully hard to shop
One never knows when to stop;
To a very nice clerk
I went in despair
I asked what is good
for that baldness up there,
The clerk made reply:
"Did you ever try hair?"
Oh, it's awf'lly hard to shop.

It's awfully hard to shop
One never knows when to stop;
Your stockings, I said,
I would like to see;
The girl called a fireman,
and up came three;
now, why did they turn
the hose on me?
Oh! it's awf'lly hard to shop.

It's awfully hard to shop
One never knows when to stop;
To buy wifie feathers
I next took a trip;
the style is now ostrich,
the clerk answered flip;
And if your wife's sporty
she'll need a straight tip
Oh! it's awf'lly hard to shop.

It's awfully hard to shop
One never knows when to stop;
'Twas raining,
an umbrella I started to buy;
but found when it's raining
they put them up high;
so I said: "I'll wait
they'll come down when it's dry!
Oh! it's awf'lly hard to shop.

It's awfully hard to shop
One never knows when to stop;
I asked of the salesman
if he'd kindly bring
a cure for our poodle
who bites in the spring?
The clerk winked his eye
and said: "Muslins the thing!"
Oh! it's awf'lly hard to shop.

I've been out since
early morning breakfast,
lunch and trains I've missed,
but as yet I haven't captured
half the things upon my list;
Here I find two bolts of coffee
with pink muslin on the leaves;
Half a pound of green kimonos
butterflies in both the sleeves;
fourteeen yards of foulard peaches
trimmed inside with cluny lace;
Half a dozen bars of pickles,
some complexion for the face;
Quarter pound of white duck hair pins
half a yard of crushed aigrette;
two small wharf rats for a blonde
and three more rats for one brunette:

It's awfully hard to shop
One never knows when to stop;
Then next in a sofa bed
I would invest;
the clerk gave me short change
I cried: "I protest!"
He said: "Use that sofa bed;
you'll get the rest!"
Oh! it's awf'lly hard to shop.

It's awfully hard to shop
One never knows when to stop;
At the counter
where meat in tin cans they display:
I said: "I will look at your tongue,
if I may!"
She said: "I'm not ill!
Mr. Fresh on your way!"
Oh! it's awf'lly hard to shop.

It's awfully hard to shop
One never knows when to stop;
A dime for a shaving brush
quickly I dug;
The clerk must have been a young thug
or a pug.
He said: "Here's a brush
that will do for your mug!"
Oh! it's awf'lly hard to shop.

It's awfully hard to shop
One never knows when to stop;
My hair's getting grey
and it causes a sigh;
so some nice hair tonic
I offered to buy;
They said to use theirs
if I wanted to dye:
Oh! it's awf'lly hard to shop.

It's awfully hard to shop
One never knows when to stop;
I asked as politely
as ever I could:
"Show me the latest
in breakfast food;"
They gave me some shavings
from kindling wood;
Oh! it's awf'lly hard to shop.

Soft karaoke
Words
piano 1
piano 2
piano 3
piano 4
lyric
pizz str bass
*
It's Awfully Hard To Shop 1903
Music by M.Melville Ellis
Lyrics by Geo.V.Hobart
© MCMIII by The Rogers Bros.Mus.Pub.Co.    N.Y.
*
sequence & karaoke by James Pitt-Payne, London UK
on Monday 15 November 2011 at 10.58
in association with Veda Meyer-Castens
*