I Can't Sing Tonight 1936 JPitt-Payne

by James Pitt-Payne, London UK - 18Jan2014
2014

The theatre was packed
from the pit to the stalls
the show was about to begin,
the baritone villain
stood there in the wings
on his face was a dastardly grin,
the tenor had just finished
padding his chest
and was gracefully waving his hair,
the overture started
the curtain went up
when the heroine
cried in despair, Oh!

Ring down the curtain
I can't sing tonight
their money back
you'll have to pay,
Ring down the curtain
I can't sing tonight
they've taken my false teeth away.

Ring down the curtain
I can't sing tonight
their money back
you'll have to pay,
Ring down the curtain
I can't sing tonight
they've taken my false teeth away.

The manager said
that the show must go on
he was in a terrible rage,
the baritone gave the soprano a push
that shot her head first on the stage,
"You cad," cried the tenor,
"strike one your own size,"
then leapt on the stage amid cheers.
He said: "What's to do?"
because that was his cue,
and the heroine cried
thro' her tears. Oh!

Ring down the curtain
I can't sing tonight
Oh, dash it I wish I was dead,
I can't sing tonight
with my tonsils in sight
I haven't a tooth in my head.

Ring down the curtain
I can't sing tonight
Oh, dash it I wish I was dead,
I can't sing tonight
with my tonsils in sight
I haven't a tooth in my head.

The Baritone entered
the audience booed,
the young hero cried out, "Not yet,
the villain must stay,"
but the maid answered: "Nay,
I must go and find my top set."
"Stand back," cried the tenor,
then whispered aside: "I'm sure
it was you stole her plate."
"Aha!" said the villain,
"she won't be your bride,
if she does find them now,
it's too late." Oh.

Ring down the curtain
I can't sing tonight
she stood there
and twiddled her thumbs.
The villain said: "gnash me,"
she said: "No, I can't,
I can't gnash with only my gums."

Ring down the curtain
I can't sing tonight
she stood there
and twiddled her thumbs.
The villain said: "gnash me,"
she said: "No, I can't,
I can't gnash with only my gums."

The conductor said: "Come on
musicians, play up!"
as he waggled his baton beneath.
"I've been through this opera
thousands of times
and I've never had any teeth."
The tenor and baritone
both drew their swords
and were fighting a terrific duel,
The heroine cried,
"help me, oh, what shall I do?"
And the crowd answered:
"Bite him, you fool!" Oh!

Ring down the curtain
I can't sing tonight
My lover he will surely slay,
he's armed to the teeth
and the audience yelled,
"that's more than you are any way...."

Ring down the curtain
I can't sing tonight
My lover he will surely slay,
he's armed to the teeth
and the audience yelled,
"that's more than you are any way...."

The heroine swooned
on a velvet settee
but jumped up again
with an "ouch"
which rapidly turned
to a cry of despair
for there were her teeth on the couch.
The lovers embraced
as she slipped in her teeth,
she turned with a smile on her face,
she opened her throat
and she let out a note
that smashed ev'ry glass
in the place. Oh!

Ring up the curtain
I will sing tonight
but the audience
yelled in dismay
"if that's how she sings
when she's got her teeth in
for heaven's sake take them away!"

Ring up the curtain
I will sing tonight
but the audience
yelled in dismay
"if that's how she sings
when she's got her teeth in
for heaven's sake take them away!"

Soft karaoke
Words
piano 1
piano 2
piano 3
piano 4
lyric
pizz str bass
*
I Can't Sing Tonight 1936 JPitt-Payne
by Max Kester, Sonny Miller & Lewis Ilda
© MCMXXXVI by The Irwin Dash Music Co.Ltd.
*
sequence & karaoke by James Pitt-Payne, London UK
on Saturday 18 January 2014 at 17.30
in association with Veda Meyer-Castens
*