I Can't Do The Sum 1903 'Babes In Toyland'

James Pitt-Payne, London UK - 08 Mar 2004

[Jane:] If a steamship weighed
ten thousand tons
and sailed five thousand miles,
with a cargo large of overshoes,
and carving knives and files,
if the mates were almost six feet high,
and the bos'n near the same,
would you subtract or multiply,
to find the Captain's name?

[Children:] Oh! Oh! Oh!

Put down six and carry two,
Gee! but this is hard to do;
you can think and think and think
till your brains are numb,
I don't care what teacher says,
I can't do the sum.

Put down six and carry two,
Gee! but this is hard to do;
you can think and think and think
till your brains are numb,
I don't care what teacher says,
I can't do the sum.

[Jane:] If Clarence took fair Gwendoline
out for an auto ride,
and if at sixty miles an hour,
one kiss to capture tried,
and quite forgot the steering gear,
on her honeyed lips to sup,
how soon could twenty men with brooms,
sweep Clare and Gwennie up?

[Children:] Oh! Oh! Oh!

Put down six and carry two,
Gee! but this is hard to do;
you can think and think and think
till your brains are numb,
I don't care what teacher says,
I can't do the sum.

Put down six and carry two,
Gee! but this is hard to do;
you can think and think and think
till your brains are numb,
I don't care what teacher says,
I can't do the sum.

[Jane:] If Harold took sweet Imogene
with him one eve to dine,
and ordered half the bill of fare,
with cataracts of wine,
if the bill of fare
were thirteen ninety five,
and poor Harold had but four,
how many things would Harold strike
before he struck the floor.

[Children:] Oh! Oh! Oh!

Put down six and carry two,
Gee! but this is hard to do;
you can think and think and think
till your brains are numb,
I don't care what teacher says,
I can't do the sum.

Put down six and carry two,
Gee! but this is hard to do;
you can think and think and think
till your brains are numb,
I don't care what teacher says,
I can't do the sum.

[Jane:] If a woman had an English pug,
ten children and a cat,
and she tried in seven hours to find
a forty dollar flat,
with naught but sunny outside rooms,
in a neighborhood of tone,
how old would those ten children be,
before they found a home?

[Children:] Oh! Oh! Oh!

Put down six and carry two,
Gee! but this is hard to do;
you can think and think and think
till your brains are numb,
I don't care what teacher says,
I can't do the sum.

Put down six and carry two,
Gee! but this is hard to do;
you can think and think and think
till your brains are numb,
I don't care what teacher says,
I can't do the sum.

[Jane:] If a pound of prunes
cost thirteen cents
at half past one today,
and the grocer is so bald he wears
a dollar five toupee,
and if with ev'ry pound of tea,
he will give two cut glass plates,
how soon will Willie break his face,
on his new roller skates?

[Children:] Oh! Oh! Oh!

Put down six and carry two,
Gee! but this is hard to do;
you can think and think and think
till your brains are numb,
I don't care what teacher says,
I can't do the sum.

Put down six and carry two,
Gee! but this is hard to do;
you can think and think and think
till your brains are numb,
I don't care what teacher says,
I can't do the sum.

Soft karaoke
Words
piano 1
piano 2
piano 3
piano 4
lyric
pizz str bass
*
I Can't Do The Sum 1903
Lyrics by Glen MacDonough
Music by Victor Herbert
© MCMIII by M. Witmark & Sons
*
sequence and karaoke by James Pitt-Payne, London UK
on Monday 08 March 2004 at 18.20
in association with Doug Grierson
*
Hamlin & Mitchell's Stupendous Extravaganza
as Produced at the Grand Opera House, Chicago
"Babes in Toy Land"
Music by Victor Herbert. Book and Lyrics by Glen MacDonough.
Glen MacDonough Publication: New York: M. Witmark & Sons, 1903.
*