Foolish Questions 1909

by James Pitt-Payne, LondonUK - 24 Feb 2008
2008

You've heard of foolish questions,
and no doubt you've wondered why
a person who will ask them
can expect a sane reply.
Did you ever bring a girl
a box of candy after tea
and notice how she grabs it
and then says: 'Is this for me?'

Foolish Question,
you should answer when you can:
No! the candy's for your father
or your mother,
or for John, the hired man!
I just wanted you to see it,
Now I'll take it all away!
Now there's a question that you'll hear
'most ev'ry day.

Or if you've been away from town,
for sev'ral days or weeks,
what is it that a friend will ask
the first time that he speaks?
he'll rush along to meet you
and your shoulder he will whack,
and almost knock you silly,
as he hollers: 'Are you back?'

Foolish Question,
and to answer in that line:
You should say: 'Oh no,
I haven't yet got back.
Why, I'm at BingenonTheRhine!
I am travelling in Europe
and I won't be back till May!
Now there's a question that you'll hear
'most ev'ry day.

And then, most ev'ry morning
there is someone round the place
who sees you take a shaving brush
and lather up your face.
And as you give the razor
a preliminary wave.
This fool will always ask you:
'Are you going to take a shave?'

Foolish Question,
And your answer is, I hope:
No! I'm really not at all prepared for shaving,
but I like the taste of soap!
I just like to take the shaving brush,
and paint myself this way!
Now there's a question that you'll hear
'most ev'ry day.

And then you all have met the man
who stops you on your way
and asks where you are going,
and then listens to you say
you are going to a funeral
of poor old Brother Ned,
Then, as soon as you have told him
he will say: 'Why, is he dead?'

Foolish Question,
and you might as well reply,
'No! He always thought
that first he'd have the funeral
then after while he'd die!
Brother Ned was so original
he wanted it that way!'
Now there's a question that you'll hear
'most ev'ry day.

Or if you should have a caller,
say some afternoon at five:
and, as you sit conversing
if the doctor should arrive,
would your visitor be silent,
do you think that she'd be still?
Or, when she saw the doctor,
would she say: 'Is someone ill?'

Foolish Question,
And you answer with a shrug,
'No! There's no one ill
we simply have the doctor come
to beat the parlor rug!
Sometimes, too, he tunes the grand piano
when we want to play!'
Now there's a question that you'll hear
'most ev'ry day.

Suppose an elevator boy
forgets to close his doors,
and you should tumble down the shaft
past twenty seven floors,
and as you've reached the bottom,
and are lying there, inert,
the first one who approaches
will exclaim: 'Why, are you hurt?'

Foolish Question,
And your dying words are: 'No!
I was in an awful hurry,
and this elevator runs too blooming slow!
I have found, I saw a lot of time
by coming down this way!
Now there's a question that you'll hear
'most ev'ry day.

You've heard of foolish questions,
and no doubt you've wondered why
a person who will ask them
can expect a sane reply.
Did you ever bring a girl
a box of candy after tea
and notice how she grabs it
and then says: 'Is this for me?'

Foolish Question,
you should answer when you can:
No! the candy's for your father
or your mother,
or for John, the hired man!
I just wanted you to see it,
Now I'll take it all away!
Now there's a question that you'll hear
'most ev'ry day.

Soft karaoke
Words
piano 1
piano 2
piano 3
piano 4
lyric
pizz str bass
*
Foolish Questions 1909
as sung by Jefferson de Angelis
in De Koven & Herbert's great success
'The Beauty Spot'
Music by A.Baldwin Sloane
Lyric by William Lee
© MCMIX by Chas.K.Harris
*
sequence & karaoke by James Pitt-Payne, London UK
on Sunday 24 February 2008 at 17.29
in association with Doug Grierson
*